Top 7 List

Saturday, May 26, 2007

OK MEME team, lets play a game of answer the silly questions.

1. Top 3 all-time fav movies-Jerimiah Johnson, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Army of Darkness.

Pretty Woman is my favorite "chick flick"but lets keep that just between us girls OK.

2. Favorite movie line.-"Its not for eatin'though, its just for lookin' through."From Josey Wales.

3. Top 3 fav musical groups.-OINGO BOINGO,PORCUPINE TREE,andX

4. Favorite lyric from a song.-From a Don MacLean tune about a hobo whos dead body was claimed by a traveling carnival. The carnys mummified him and used him in the side show, where he became a star attraction. It goes like this. "A petrified amazement, a wonder beyond worth. A man who found more life in death than life gave him at birth". THE LEGEND OF ANDREW MC CREW.

5. Most touching line from a church song.-"To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine." I STAND ALL AMAZED. To me the most down to the point song in the hymn book.

6. Recount a funny thing you've heard a kid say.-While potty training my oldest boy Daniel I, of course, had to wipe his little bottom, well I would wipe him then fold the paper in half and wipe again. He began squirming around on the toilet trying to avoid the toilet paper. You see he didn't know I was folding theTP so he thought I was double wiping so he protested strongly and called out,"Daddy no,you're putting some on me, you're putting it on me." I LOLed so hard I cried. Kids,they say the darndest things.

7. Cite an embarrassing moment.- I've had so many. OK . When I was processing into the Army I went to the snack bar on the 4th floor. I grabbed a couple of candy bars and went up to the cashier. He just stood there looking at me, finally I said"I'd like to pay for this stuff." The guy said "What do you have?" I replied "Just these" raising the candy bars higher."What are they " he says.Impatiently I asked "Can't you see?" Thats when he pointed to a sign on the wall explaining that he was a disabled veteran and was indeed blind. I wanted to die right then and there. I left the candy on the counter and dashed out of there. A few hours later hunger drove back to the snack bar, I tried to change my voice so that he wouldn't know it was me but Im pretty sure he could smell stupid>

7 random things or tag I'm it.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

1. I am a major freak for neckties with a minor in dress shoes. I own way over 100 ties, some of which I have yet to wear.

2. The guys at work once offered me 50 bux to go an entire day without speaking. I declined cuz I knew that was impossible. It would be easier to nail jello to a tree.

3.I have at least 40 songs copyrighted with the Library of Congress. 10 of those songs are really good. Im actually a pretty good poet. Just ask me and I'll tell ya.

4. My first work experience was picking plums and apricots for 50 cents a crate, and my first real job was at Der Wienerschnitzel. Polish Dogs Rule.

5.I have never felt love nor have been loved more deeply and with more purpose and promise than I do at this stage of my life. Noelle Rules way more than a Polish Dog.Duh.

6.My ambition after High School was to go to Brooks Institute of Photography in Santa Barbara Ca. But my folks wanted me to go on a mission for the Church, so we compromised and I went in to the US Army. I became a Combat Engineer so I could work with explosives. TNT Rules too.

7.I once let a pretty girl talk me into jumping out of a tree that was at least 90 to 100 feet above the lake. When I got to the top and saw how far up I was I wanted no part of the jump. but this evil girl in a rubber raft challenged my manhood so naturally I jumped. Stupid man.

Having never fallen so far, I was unaware that I should lock the back door. I got a wicked lake water enema the likes of which the world had never seen. I was paralyzed from the waist down which made it very hard to get to shore. The throngs of onlookers on the shore were screaming their approval at my daring feat. As I dragged myself up on to the muddy shore still unable to move my legs, I flopped over onto my back and hollared to the girl in the raft." I HATE YOU"

Thus proving that peer preasure can be a total pain in the butt.

FUNNY NAMES

THIS IS AN AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION POSTING,JUST FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS AND SEND ME BACK YOUR FUNNY NAMES LIST. OH WHAT FUN IT WILL BE.

1).Your real name-Patrick Joseph McDonald

2).Your gangsta name-(1st 3 letters of your first name plus izzle)-Patizzle

3).Your dectective name-(favorite color & favorite animal)-Blue Mutt

4).Your soap opera name-(middle name & current street name) Use a street near you or a previous street if you live on a numbered street-Joseph Phinney

5).Your Star Wars name-(1st 3 letters of last name&1st 2 letters of 1st name& 1st 3 letters of Moms maiden name)-Mcdpabuf

6).Your Superhero name-(2nd favorite color & the model of a car of your choosing)

Green Comet

7).Your witness protection name-(Moms middle name and dads middle name)-

Lenora Matthew

8).Your Goth name-( Black & one of your pets names)-Black Alpha

Mothers Day

Sunday, May 13, 2007

It's that day again, a chance to honor the moms of the world. Oh sure the day is no doubt the invention of a florist who dabbled in greeting cards, but a worthwhile day none the less.

I mean, only a woman could change a stinky diaper, give the baby a bath,dress the little bundle of joy only to get puked on, clean up the child and herself only to find that little junior has loaded up his pants again and is also blowing snot bubbles the size of grapes, without throwing herself or the baby in front of a bus. I've tried it and its no picnic, motherhood is the hardest job I can think of. And don't get me started about child birth.Just before my first son came slidding down "the pla-doh fun factory of life", Im almost sure I saw my ex-wifes head spin around two or three times. No thank you.Girls are my favorite gender, but I'd rather be a horse than a woman.

Also on the subject of Mothers Day,It's a downer for all those gals who wanted kids but never did. And I lost my mom when I was 11 and I only have fragments of memories of her so thats kinda tough too.But I have a Stepmother who I love and a Mother-in-law who is pure gold and I have Penny Catto who is like a Mother to me. And a fantastic wife who due to the fact that I continue to age yet am refusing to grow has to gives me motherlike advice, (sorry honey).

To all mothers everywhere God Bless ya girl you rule.

Are You Smarter than a 50-Year-Old?

Monday, May 07, 2007

NO Cheating

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

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Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends... Boxing
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward. Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons... Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside... Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)
6. Three English words beginning with dw... Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar... Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh is Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s"... Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.